Free speech or how do we want our discussions?

BondBabe2008 · Post by **BondBabe2008** » Tue Jan 04, 2011 1:52 pm

Sure GG I understand what you said there about keeping the threads clean I respect that by 110 %

I will only post my naughty thoughts on my blog or the NC as last night I was BADDDDD girl

I agree with everything you said at the beginning of this thread when you opened it

khenton · Post by **khenton** » Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:20 pm

It has taken me a lot of time to think about what I wish to say to this forum about freedom of speech,gg. It isn't easy because to some what I will say is unnecessary even futile, to others I hope it is an affirmation of the spirit I find here.

Freedoms are often purchased at the price of others feelings. Everyone can say what they feel but do not be surprised or shocked or angry when someone reveals that what one say so causually has hurt them.

DC is a part of my imagination, my creative innner world. As such that image hold sway over my emotions. I am an adult and can decipher reality from non reality. But my emotions are the things that define me as a human being. So I feel and those feelings can be hurt. If I can be hurt then so can others.

What has been said here some about current events has not always been said in fun or with love. Things have been said, suppositions have been made that have made other people feel, angry and sad. Change is hard--harder for some than others. What may appear to one as good can be a tramatic thing to others.

I think that one should think, and then think again before posting. I am not talking about silliness. I am talking about opinions. The forum members should be validated by each other and using the pyschobabble term--agree to disagree when appropriate. There are pm for all else. Then drop the subject and move on. Everyone will come to terms with this change. I find often that certain members can post positively about the negative finding a way to validate everyone feelings expressing their concern as well as their opinion.

I take this time to say that you and the administration have held it together. I appreciate that because I won't post here if the site becomes one of just trashing behavior--anyone's behavior. Thankfully, there are many who hold to the standards of basic decency and call "Bulls--t" on those that don't. I have taken my turn on the wheel of having my behavior reined in. I take it in the spirit it is meant. So that we all have a place to come and share a love for more than just DC.

Now, I will step off the podium put away my manifesto and quit humming "Imagine" and "All you need is love" and go quietly into that good night. I have learned much here. My new years res is to try as much as I can to be positive even I think I know better.

Please feel free, anyone to agree to disagree. K.

Laredo · Post by **Laredo** » Wed Jan 05, 2011 12:43 am

I agree and have suggested pms in the past . I also think when disagreeing in public you fan the flames and everyone puts their 2 cents in . It's like the law of attraction . If you want the argument to stop ... you don't keep taking about it . You stop it eventually goes away . I've tried changing the subject and that didn't work either . I'm not saying don't talkabout it , just do it in private .

Germangirl · Post by **Germangirl** » Wed Jan 05, 2011 8:32 am

Thanks for the posts on this matter. We will face difficult situations again - no doubt, but maybe we learned a thing or two from recent events. Thanks!

Daskedusken · Post by **Daskedusken** » Wed Jan 05, 2011 12:41 pm

I think it's sad that Dan and Sats broke up. They were such a beautiful couple who seemed very earthy. But I want the best for Dan, and if he is happy with his new gf - then I'm happy for him.

Post by **Elaine_Figgis** » Wed Jan 05, 2011 3:05 pm

I want to begin my post by thanking GG for her dedication as moderator; it’s far from an easy job and usually thankless. We haven’t always agreed on how to handle certain situations, but we have always agreed on what kind of tone we wish the forum of D2D to have. You, gentle members are the recipients of these decisions. Our priority has always been, and will continue to be, the enjoyment of the community at large.

D2D is not a democracy. It is owned and run by a select group, and we decide what goes on here. I’ve said this to people in the past privately when issues came up, but I’ve never publicly said it, so I’m taking the opportunity now. You don’t like it? You are free to leave at any time.

We would prefer not to censor, but we will do what is necessary to keep this a place all members enjoy, while protecting DC, his privacy, and the forum members from attack.

I may not post as often as I used to, but I’m still around on a daily basis; still proud of what D, GG, and I have inherited and glad to see it continues to be a place of enjoyment and refuge for a wonderful group of fans.

Daskedusken · Post by **Daskedusken** » Wed Jan 05, 2011 4:14 pm

Thanks for the kind words, Elaine and for letting us know how things work around here. And all the best to you for 2011

bubita · Post by **bubita** » Wed Jan 05, 2011 5:40 pm

Totaly agree with you Elaine, this place has to keep as usual, haters go somewhere else.

sf2la · Post by **sf2la** » Wed Jan 05, 2011 8:30 pm

Elaine, excellent communications by you and GG. Agreed, bottom line, this is not a hate forum. That said, I feel perfectly comfortable posting something negative about him or his actions if it's done in a non-hateful way. If I were someone who wanted to post hateful remarks, there is a different forum for that.

I don't want this to be only a gush-fest site either, and it's not. This latest shake-up in Dan's life sure took us by surprise, but romantic love doesn't come with a guarantee. So we choose to move on with him or not; regardless, this site remains as the title says, 'Dedicated to Daniel'.

I just have to say that we can't thank GG enough for her time and dedication to ensure this forum is a friendly place to be. And a big thanks to Dunda who's technical wizardry keeps this place kicking every day. Thank you so much.

cheryl1700 · Post by **cheryl1700** » Wed Jan 05, 2011 8:37 pm

I agree with sf, u can disagree, its the way in which its said, sometimes, u can just feel the not nice, nasty feeling thru the airwaves, by some posts, like someone dangling a fish, waiting for another person to bite.
Its very much the way its put across, as long as its polite and not vindictive, which is probably what was said before, anyway just to say
THANK YOU

Germangirl · Post by **Germangirl** » Thu Jan 06, 2011 8:26 am

Laredo wrote:I agree and have suggested pms in the past . I also think when disagreeing in public you fan the flames and everyone puts their 2 cents in . It's like the law of attraction . If you want the argument to stop ... you don't keep taking about it . You stop it eventually goes away . I've tried changing the subject and that didn't work either . I'm not saying don't talkabout it , just do it in private .

I feel, that talking and discussing is an important part of making a forum like this interesting. If you stop doing that publicly, this will become very boring soon. The better way IMO is to express your opinion politely, like its been said now many times over. We can do that, I am sure...

Germangirl · Post by **Germangirl** » Fri Jan 14, 2011 10:13 am

Germangirl wrote: I politely ask every member to act on behalf of the forum first and not ONLY in regards of their personal feelings.
Many are tired of the negativity here among some members (and I don't exclude those posts of me) and in some of the posts - so for now - we should play it cool and rather make a step back then forward with our comments.

Germangirl · Post by **Germangirl** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 10:27 am

We are far from done with this subject matter and therefore I would like to address this matter again, because I feel many are as much at a loss about it, as I am right now. I really am and what I would like us to do here is – in all seriousness – find a way to do is without having to be afraid to talk our mind. Not knowing, what will be the next word you say, that will step on somebodies feet is not a nice feeling.

I don’t agree, that we shouldn’t have serious discussion only because right now, we all seem to be at a loss as to how to do it.
I sense a certain unhappiness about this subject and NOT addressing it, won’t help, I think.

So – all who have something to say on this matter, please do so now, even if you have spoken about it before. Lets put it under one roof and try to find a way out of this misery.
We need discussions – discussions can be fun, if they can be controverse and still peacefully.

My opinion on it here again:
Yes, Sab seems the last woman standing. To me she is able to do, because she understood that not agreeing is not a personal attack. Challenging ideas is just a way to better understand, what a person is saying and why. I don’t see, how it can be done differently. If I post my opinion – another person posts maybe the exact opposite, but leaves me alone with my post – the discussion is over before it had a chance to take off.
Does it feel like being forced to change your opinion? For some, it does, I guess. But does it necessarely need to be like that? I feel, this is what we need to find out - how do we do it, do it effectively but do it without hurting anybody. Is that possible?
To tell the truth - I have no f***ing idea. Help is needed.

khenton · Post by **khenton** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 12:42 pm

Two thoughts to begin the discussion

IMO----I am not sure it is possible to hold a logical discussion about an emotional topic. For some this relationship thing is very emotional.

IMO---It maybe perceived and I do mean "perceived" that a dissenting voice is like the crab trying to get out of the bucket. Big guns come out to get you to conform.

Since this is a fan site, criticizing (or having a dissenting opinion) could be looked upon as negative. I tend to dislike conflict so I am cautious in posting. As long as the subject is so emotionally charged what is the point of discussion. Emotion isn't logical and can't be analyzed. It's visceral and immediate. So feelings get hurt when post fly.

People tend to support what they create. Haven't we created a dream of sorts that we propagate? So when that creation is threatened we react.

IMO you can't please 'em all, so why bother! Just demand that everyone keep a civil finger on the keyboard and let the chips fall where they may.

bumblebee · Post by **bumblebee** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 12:51 pm

I don't have a problem with the differing opinions, I do have a problem with the fact that those who post an opinion are berated for it. Whichever side of the fence you are on. To have gotten to the point where you feel you can't comment on a topic without being "got at" just because another party vehemently disagrees with your opinion is contrary to the spirit of this forum. If you feel fired up, and you are not sure how your reaction will affect the sensitivities of the other members, take a breath, step away, and respect the fact that an opinion is just and opinion, not an opportunity to pigeon hole others into conformity.